These fashion hints have been brought to you as a public service by the warped minds of certain unnamed contra dancers in Buffalo, NY. Finally! The long-awaited if grainy, badly lit, and artless pictures of Vince, our favorite guy in skirts. Well, we're better at dance organizing than portraiture!
Mommy, why is that man wearing a skirt?
Why don't you ask him, dear?
So why do you wear a skirt?
(a) Why should girls have all of the fun?
(b) Why do women wear slacks?
What does your wife/girlfriend think of it?
(a) She picked it out for me. Don't you think it goes with my eyes rather nicely?
(b) What makes you think I date women?
Are you a drag queen or a transvestite?
See this mustache?
What's worn under the skirt?
Nothing's worn at all; everything is in perfect working order.
Is this some kind of religious cult?
Yes, we're afraid so. We were corrupted by the pernicious influences of Scotsmen in kilts, Egyptian men in caftans, and judges and priests in robes, setting such shameful examples for young,impressionable men.
Should couples share skirts?
Oh, dear. That leads only to fighting over a favorite garment prior to a long-anticipated dance, spoiling your evening, and making you a sour dance partner. His and Hers, or His and His, contra clothing will go a long way to preserving peace in the home and preventing dreadful faux pas on the dance floor.
Hey, where can I get a skirt like that?
Honey, there's no place like Salvation Army or Goodwill for the modern skirt-chasing gent. Watch for cotton or rayon Indian print imports with elastic waistbands, for utmost swirlability and breathability. Dark prints with tasteful, small patterns hide a multitude of sins, including, uh, post-potty leakage, if you know what I mean. Big, splashy florals are a definite no-no, unless you're into big, splashy makeup to go with them.
What kind of footwear goes with skirts?
We recommend tennis shoes (white, not black, with white ankle socks), safety shoes, penny loafers, jazz oxfords, or Doc Martin's, which should never be any color except black. Of course, if your hall has rules about proper shoes, you must graciously follow them.
What skirt length is appropriate?
Ankle length is always correct in any setting. One wants to give the impression of billowing fabric without tripping on one's hem and toppling one's neighbor during a vigorous allemande.
How do I accessorize my skirt?
Dainty waistpacks or toolbelts are always appropriate, and will cleverly hold a gentleman's little necessities. Choose leather for daytime, canvas or velvet for evening. A white or off-white peasant shirt is a flattering choice with most natural fiber skirts.
Should my top be draped over or tucked in?
Do tuck it in, dear. Tuck everything in. T-shirts over skirts are a serious sartorial sin.
Since I don't have female hips to keep it in place, my skirt keeps falling down mid-dance! What should I do?
We've often thought that a suspender revival was long overdue, and here's our chance to start one. Any fine menswear shop should have a dressy pair of "braces."
What sorts of skirts are off-limits to men?
We are so glad you asked. Having surveyed the emerging skirt scene at many a big dance event, we have one easy rule to offer: no knits! They don't ventilate well and they simply look heavy and gauche on the male figure.